What If Kim Davis’ Religious Objection Included A Conscientious Nude Selfie?

Times Square Cop With Topless

Drop Your Cocks And Grab Your Socks! Porn Shaming Can Make You Rich!


(Google Images: “ransomware“)

“Adult Player” & “Porn Droid” App “Ransomware”

That’s right, America! “Adult Player” and “Porn Droid” are just two of the new “Ransomware” products available on the internet – so let’s start a new Kickstarter! Because if you think about it, simply charging $500 to unlock some ‘fucking pervert’s’ cell phone so he can finish masturbating makes great capitalistic sense! Given the fact that we should all feel very deeply ashamed of our God-given, natural desires to consume hot MILF selfies, why not at least make some cold, ‘hard’ cash off the deal? [CLICK HERE TO READY ABOUT RANSOMWARE and ALSO CLICK HERE to learn more about making money ‘the American way.’]

Are They Children OR Sex Offenders OR Both?! Can You Figure This Out?

Under 18 High School Couple Nude Selfie Grabs A Felony!

“It’s dysfunctional to be charged with possession of your own image,” – said a Professor of criminal justice at the University of Wisconsin and co-founder of the research website cyberbullying.org. [TheGuardian.com]

Maybe only until the judge’s own sweet-talking, horny teen daughter gets caught in the dining room with a cute, little, pink phone full of anal bead selfies will we have to keep reading such incredibly ludicrous and draconian stories as this: CLICK HERE TO READ THE ABSURD STORY ABOUT THE HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE NUDE SELFIE and ALSO CLICK HERE.

A psychology expert at the University of Texas Medical Branch said that if states used their laws literally, “tens of thousands of kids would be in jail and registered as sex offenders”. [TheGuardian.com]

Dear legislators. It’s time to admit the whole truth. You like nudity, too, and these are not preschoolers getting recorded in the bathroom. And you also once liked it when others liked looking at you naked, which clearly sounds like a very long time ago. And when you were younger, you loved looking at naked bodies (possibly working the fields on the prairie). And if you had a horny significant other and a camera phone in high school today, you might be doing the same thing that literally thousands of teenage, young adults are doing right now. So let’s get real, can we? Should these two young consenting adults really be forever labelled as ‘Perverted, Sex Offenders’ as opposed to ‘Normal, Horny Adolescents?’

How about the 14 year old that sent a nude photo of himself to another student? Are we just going to start locking everybody up for being horny?

Cyber Flash

(Google Images: “cyberflashing“)

The Reason You Can’t See The Image On Her Phone Is Because It Contains Nudity. And That’s What Makes It So Newsworthy.

Yes, you should be able to ride the public train without getting pictures of penises anonymously sent to your mobile device. But it’s better than the real thing, right? Plus, this way you get to prove to your friends how grossed out you really are! READ THE STORY ABOUT CYBERFLASHING. And then yawn…because the Sex Offender Registry is getting too big to be useful.

Times Square Cop With Topless

(Google Images: “times square painted lady“)

If Everyone Is So Outraged, Why Take Pictures With Painted Topless Women In Times Square?

You’re not gonna post that on your Facebook are you? Maybe get a mug made for Grandma to remember your super, fun trip to New York’s Times Square?

Look, we all know that even though there’s some patriotic paint in the photo, basically you’re posing with two topless chicks. Because, hey, everybody likes tits, right? I mean the lady on the train doesn’t like dick, because only men are perverts. But you’re not that kind of pervert, right? You were just looking for something crazy to put on your Facebook page, and everybody does that.

And hey, no grabby grabs. No touching the merchandise. And certainly no actual sex! READ THE STORY ABOUT HOW A PAINTED LADY GOT BUSTED.

pepper robot

(Google Images: “do not fuck the pepper robot“)

And You Can’t Fuck The Robot.

No sex apps, no nude selfies, no cyberflashing, and no propositioning Pepper for sex. And no, you cannot change the robot’s female voice to sound sexier. And that probably explains why Siri usually sounds kind of miffed at you (like the old battle axe, ball and chain…) So don’t get any wood or ‘the wrong idea!’ Don’t even think about it!! SO NOW READ THE STORY ABOUT NOT FUCKING THE ROBOT.

And No Fucking Dead Pigs In The Mouth, Either.

And, no, we’re not even going to discuss the turtle riding story because it’s too retarded. But according to THE STORY ABOUT PRIME MINISTER DAVID CAMERON FUCKING A DEAD PIG IN THE MOUTH, I’m going to assume that news outlets are now going to consider drunken college hazing antics as fodder for news. Which makes me wonder if a lot more people are out there fucking robot turtles while taking nude selfies. Not sure…


OK. Porn is bad. Men are pigs. Nude Selfies are bad. Men are pigs. Topless Photos are Fine. Women are great. Sex Offenders are bad. Every single one of them. But what Kim Davis did for America is amazing.

Any questions? Good.

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